Tired of 'Giving,' She Wants Some 'Getting'
A woman who has done 'all the giving' is tempted to give up on finding a soul mate
By Renita J. Weems
Beliefnet
Updated: Mar 31, 2008
Dear Ms. Weems, I am so tired of feeling unworthy and unloved. I read everything spiritual I can get my hands on, I know I'm the love I seek, I'm there for friends whenever they call. I was married for almost 10 years to a man undeserving of my love. We had no children, and I was lonely for most of my marriage. I have been divorced for two years.
Each man who has entered my life has been Mr. Wrong. They all have cheated on me, when I am the most loyal and faithful woman I know. I'm always the second choice or the one to call for sex but not a "relationship." I'm there, arms and heart open, hoping that if I love them enough they in turn will love me as I deserve and desire. Never happens. The years are passing me by, and my heart continues to ache for a true love. I will be 40 this year. Soon I will be too old, wrinkled, and bitter, and no one will want me. Any advice to keep me from giving up on love altogether? -- Tempted to Give Up on Love
Dear Tempted,
It sure is good to hear that you're tired of feeling unworthy and unloved, because it sounds to me like you've played the victim in your relationships for much too long. Now that you know that being a doormat doesn't earn you love you want-that self-loathing is what you get for giving your soul away repeatedly to men who don't deserve you-it's time for you to begin to take charge of writing another script for your life.
Let's begin with changing your thinking about getting older.
Let's begin with changing your thinking about getting older. If you feel that you're in a race with time, your quest for love will always be derailed by desperation. A woman is never too old to find love. You're right if you're muttering to yourself, "Yes, but she can find herself too old to have children as she sits around waiting for Mr. Right." The tough truth is that there's nothing any of us can do to speed up love. It either comes, or it doesn't. You either accept what's handed you, or you hold out for love that's worthy of you. You either decide to explore other options for having children in your life, or you cling to the hope that you'll meet that special someone while you're still young enough to have a healthy child. There are no guarantees in life. There's only life, and you get to decide whether you're going to be a victim in someone else's story or the protagonist in your own.
I hope you never give up on love. After all you've endured, you deserve to know what it feels like to be adored and loved. What's more, I hope that you never give up on life itself. A love for life itself is the surest aphrodisiac. Begin there, and you're certain to begin creating the life you deserve.
Blessings,
Renata
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