As if we don't have enough differences between the genders, with attitude, upbringing, education, and finances, daters can also encounter problems with political differences, especially in an election year.

If couples who are politically misaligned know it from the outset, like Democratic pundit James Carville and Republican political consultant Mary Matalin, they have probably worked it out before getting married. But for couples who don't think about it in advance, or when one partner changes affiliation, problems are likely to occur.

If you're politically unmatched and want to keep rancor out of your relationship, you need to make a deal: perhaps only to talk about politics in limited ways or times, or not to talk about it at all. Or, if you're pretty enlightened, you may be able to learn from each other's points of view.

Because couples today face entirely different circumstances than couples before 1957, when, according to the Census Bureau, the big change in the divorce/marriage ratio began. Today each partner has more freedom to be him or herself, to grow and change throughout their lives, to pursue a meaningful career, to have individual friends and pursuits. Attitudes have also changed, and people want to remain vital and involved in life more than ever before.

With a new emphasis on doing what's important as individuals, we may differ from our dates, and from our extended families. We want to prolong our youth, pursue many options, and fulfill as many dreams as we can. Educated, technically savvy, and politically aware singles are motivated today to focus on the state of our world, not just on family and career pressures. And with the advent of Barack Obama, more young singles are becoming politically involved.

Through all these changes, couples dealing with political conflicts must navigate a course that leaves each partner feeling satisfied, and still create teamwork and mutuality. It's not an easy task.

Dating comments by singles on Yahoo! Answers show how couples have dealt with political differences. In response to Mountain Girl's question, "Could you date someone with different political views?":

Summer replies, "I am right now as a matter of fact...he's right wing and I'm left...been together 3 yrs...am considering the possibility of marriage as we speak."

Yourguardianangel188 wrote, "I'm liberal and my boyfriend who I've been dating for a long time is Republican and we fight all the time bout political differences, like which party is the best. My daughter who is a democrat is happily married to a die hard conservative. They don't talk." (It appears that this daughter has learned what not to do about political differences from her mother.)

Jimbo said, "We had a great time on our date, but it was only one date. I recently found out that she found someone who shares all her views on absolutely everything." (That was probably a good choice -- a lot fewer differences.)

Dating problems can arise when extended family or friends take offense to your partner's differing political point of view. You need to be prepared beforehand with a calm response when these conflicts arise. If you know your family will be uncomfortable or argue with your date's views, let your date know in advance. Decide on which topics to avoid, which topics would be good to talk about, and how to deflect volatile issues. Develop a silent signal for when you feel you're in trouble, so you can help each other change the conversational topic.

Here's an image that can help you deal with political differences: Each of us has a sphere of influence, our own private space, which we can picture as a physical boundary surrounding us, like the invisible "glass wall" that mimes often pretend to be trapped behind. All other people and events are outside this boundary, but visible and accessible through it. You can send messages with words and deeds (and perhaps even thoughts and subtle body and facial movements) through this boundary, and others can send theirs in to you. You have little control over what people choose to send toward you, and total control over what you choose to send out. The control you do have over what people send into your world consists of how you receive it and respond to it.

For example, if your date criticizes your political choices, attitudes, or candidate, you are not going to change his or her mind by arguing. There is little to be gained from attempting to mind-read or to change the other person's attitude. However, if you remember your own private space and your imaginary wall, you will realize you have many options. You can choose to believe that your date intended to hurt you, or that one of you has to be right and one wrong. Any of these choices will lead to a negative, hurtful response from you, and most likely create a clash or hurt feelings.

Or, you can choose to assume that your date is intelligent and loving and wants to discuss the matter with you rationally. If you choose to respond with "Tell me more" or "Why do you feel that is true?" you are more likely to have a good, productive talk with the other person.

As long as you focus on keeping the political dialogue open, your thoughtful responses will go a long way toward shaping the interaction, and eventually your whole relationship. If you talk about facts and issues rather than mudslinging and criticizing each other, you may both come around to a new way of thinking. Using self-control to turn your political rivalries into discussions will give you the power to make your relationships, and therefore your life, happier, more successful, and more loving.