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Ugh, It's Another Valentine's Day and I'm Still Single

9 empowering things you can do to tone down that "ugh" feeling

By Caroline Presno
Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Apr 18, 2008

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So, you are not in a relationship at the moment and Valentine's Day seems to be putting a big red spotlight on your singleness. Here are some practical and empowering things you can do to tone down that "ugh" feeling.

1. Wallow, But Just a Little

It's important to acknowledge your real feelings, so give yourself permission to wallow a little bit

It's important to acknowledge your real feelings, so give yourself permission to wallow a little bit if you're feeling extra sad or lonely. The key words here are "a little bit." Don't allow yourself to dwell or obsess. Confine your wallowing to a certain time period -- say, 15 minutes of self-pity and that's it.

2. Watch "Love Actually"

The movie "Love Actually" (rated R) is great cinematherapy for V-Day because it shows that romantic love is important, but other kinds of love are just as important, such as the love of family and friends. Don't let Valentine's Day be co-opted by couples. Send valentines to all the people you love in your life!

3. Go on a Trip

A new trend for singles is to elude Valentine's Day by taking a short getaway

A new trend for singles is to elude Valentine's Day by taking a short getaway with friends to a place where they are not constantly bombarded with images of hearts and cupids. There is nothing wrong with this trend as long as you are using it as a fun escapade, rather than an escape.

4. Re-energize Your Relationship Search

If you are feeling down at this time of year, channel your negative energy into something positive. Have you been browsing online profiles but never send an email? Have you been using work as an excuse that you are too busy to meet people? Have you been dating the wrong types of men or women for you? Use Valentine's Day as a new start to self-reflect and be proactive.

5. Ask Someone Out

If you really want a date for Valentine's Day, don't wait to be asked -- go ahead and do the asking. Even if it's someone you think of as "just a friend," you'll still have fun going out and celebrating.

6. Cuddle Up to Something Warm and Fuzzy

Warm fuzzies just make you feel good. Those V-day stuffed animals are great. So are warm cozy blankets and floppy slippers. Many would agree that the best warm fuzzies are pets. If you have a pet, get him or her a Valentine's Day treat. If you don't, maybe it's time to consider a dog or cat... now that's unconditional love!

7. Eat Some Dark Chocolate

Dark chocolate is good for our hearts in more ways than one. Besides containing potent antioxidants, it has the power to boost endorphins, the "happy juice" in our brains. The higher the percentage of cacao, the better. On Valentine's Day get your friends together for a chocolate tasting -- including chocolate fondue. Enjoy in moderation!

8. Don't See the World as One Big Happy Couple

"I see happy couples!" And that's all many single people see around V-Day. But it's a trick your mind is playing on you because that's what you are focused on. Not everyone is in a relationship and, certainly, not everyone is in a happy relationship. Keep your focus on the millions of single people out there just like you!

9. Remember This Is Just ONE Valentine's Day

Maybe you've been single for one V-day. Maybe you've been single for ten. Don't get completely discouraged and project into the future that you are going to be single for every Valentine's Day to come. No one has a crystal ball and life has a way of surprising us. Help make a good surprise more likely by keeping a positive attitude and being persistent about finding the healthy, happy relationship you want.

More Caroline Presno

Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C., the "Date Doctor," is a psychotherapist and author of "Profiling Your Date: A Smart Woman's Guide to Evaluating a Man." Find her online at ProfilingYourDate.com.

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Report Abuse 1. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Wed, Jan 30, 2008, 6:55 pm PST

pshh. one lonely valentine's day? i've never been in a relationship during valentine's day. or the winter, actually. which is weird. and sad = ( buttt, i'm only 17, so i can't complain too much.

Report Abuse 2. Posted by Christian Thu, Jan 31, 2008, 11:13 am PST

If you're making too much of a big deal about being single on V-Day, you're probably not emotionally ready for a real relationship either. Think about it closely: would you rather have a bunch of love on one single day of the year or real love for every day for the rest of your life? I often find that V-Day "love" is pretty fake anyway. Some people go out of their way to show "love" on V-day and it really isn't sincere. I prefer real and sincere love every day of the year for years to come.

Report Abuse 3. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Mon, Feb 4, 2008, 2:31 pm PST

I haven't had a girlfriend in Canada for over 15 years and neither have most of my friends and quite honestly we all gave up on women. After reading this article and a few others I now know why. Could someone please explain to me why N. American women are such emotional basket cases?

Report Abuse 4. Posted by Harrison Tue, Feb 5, 2008, 5:43 am PST

I've been thinking about just sucking it up, and asking someone out. Now I just need to find someone I'm actually interested in.

Report Abuse 5. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Tue, Feb 5, 2008, 8:22 pm PST

Ok, I dont feel so bad now. Im 26 and havent actually for REAL FOR real liked a girl since I was 16. I've been 'interested' in many others but they play games and I cant make yes, no, or come-chase-me out of what they're trying to say when I let them know I am somewhat interested. I was supposed to be setup on a 'blind-date' type thing a few weekends ago, but it ended up being a scam by the girl who set me up. She had a B/F and gave me the story about how he doesnt put her on the 'pedistal'. She about threw herself at me but the B/F thing made me uncomfortable. I dont wanna rent-to-own women, I want it all or nothing. I know im a little weird but you women are REALLY something else.

Report Abuse 6. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Tue, Feb 5, 2008, 8:25 pm PST

Women are emotional baskets because they just need to FEEL, no matter what. They would rather have conflict and drama than chose to sit in a room alone and have no type of emotional 'stimulation' at all. And besides, if a woman does like you its not about you. Its about how YOU can make HER feel. So in the end, its still about her more than you.

Report Abuse 7. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Wed, Feb 6, 2008, 5:39 pm PST

It's all about women and making them feel good and no matter how much a man does it'll never be enough. Most of my friends are single guys and honestly most of us gave up because we're meant to know what women want when women don't even know what they want. I'm now off for a nice long holiday in a hot country. far away from N. American women and their emotional immaturity. One more good guy that gave up

Report Abuse 8. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Wed, Feb 6, 2008, 6:20 pm PST

What''s up' C!?

Report Abuse 9. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Feb 7, 2008, 10:18 pm PST

Seems a little dumbed down......try writing to adults sometime

Report Abuse 10. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Thu, Feb 7, 2008, 10:20 pm PST

If I watch Love Actually in it's entirety, I will most likely slip into a coma and thus will not be able to complete items 3-9 on that list.

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