Dating 101: Translating What Men Say Into What Men Mean
Sick of overanalyzing every word that guys say? So are we, which is why we went straight to the source to find out what his guy-speak really means.
By dating editor Dustin Goot for Glamour
Photo: iStockphoto.com/© Silvia Jansen
Updated: Jun 16, 2009
He says: "I'll call you."He means: "I may call you."
This
line isn't the slam dunk most women make it out to be. Besides being
genuinely interested, there are a slew of reasons why a guy might ask
for a number (he needs an ego boost... he wants a quick way to end the
conversation... he bet his buddy he could score more digits, etc). The
thing to remember here is that if he's into you, he will find a way to
call. And, no, emailing, Facebooking or Twittering at him in the
meantime isn't going to help your case. Give the guy a chance to pursue
you -- if he doesn't, he's not the one for you anyway.
More Dating Articles from Glamour:He says: "I like your shirt/necklace/shoes/hair."He means: "You look good."
He
may have an ulterior motive when he compliments you, but that doesn't
make the praise any less sincere. The fact is, men are generally
terrible at false flattery. Instead of accusing us of feeding you a
line (we know we are!), feel good about the fact that we've noticed
something about you that's attractive and memorable. Just don't ask us to remember the brand of those cute shoes.
He says: "I've been busy lately."He
means (if you've dated less than six months): "I've
lost interest in you."
He
means (if you've dated longer than that): "I like you,
but I need to focus on other things."
Usually,
this is the classic guy blow-off, but there are exceptions. "Don't
forget the big picture," cautions Steve Santagati, who offers dating
advice at badboysfinishfirst.com. If you've dated for a few months and
your guy is usually there for you, don't hit the panic button over his
recent short bouts of inattention. "Just because we get distracted by
our jobs doesn't mean we don't care anymore," says
Santagati.
He says: "I need some space."He means: "This relationship is moving too fast."
Nobody's
thrilled to hear this one, but "I need space" isn't always the kiss of
death. Often men get excited about a new relationship and then struggle
to turn down the temperature when they're suddenly seeing you six
nights a week. First, confirm that he still wants to date. (Any answer
besides yes means you should take your toothbrush and get out of there,
stat.) Once that's confirmed, revert to early courtship behavior; make
him schedule thoughtful dates in order to see you (no 3 A.M. texts). If
the spark returns, still insist on a couple of girls-only nights a week
for the next several months -- it'll be good for both of
you.
He says: "I love spending time with you."He means: "I love you... I think."
Guys
are notoriously hesitant about dropping the L-bomb outright. When your
man starts talking about how he loves specific aspects of the
relationship, that's probably his way of dipping his toe in those
waters. You should feel good about where things stand, even if the
three magic words aren't directly uttered. "Guys aren't gifted at
translating their feelings fluently to females," Santagati says. "Give
a brother a break."
He says: "I don't believe in marriage."He means: "I'm not going to marry you."
This
is one of those maddening statements you simply can't overanalyze. He
may truly oppose the institution. He may be immature. He may not care
for you deeply enough. In any case, you have a better chance of making
out with Brad Pitt than waiting for him to "come around." Either enjoy
his company for what it is or move on.
He says: "I want this to last forever."He means: "I'm really happy right now."
Most
things a guy says about the future should be taken with a grain of
salt. "When a guy says he likes you, he means he likes you right then
and there," Santagati says. That doesn't mean men are unreliable jerks.
But it does mean that when it comes to relationship stability, you
should look at what your guy is doing instead of focusing on what he's
saying. Santagati advises, "You're better off taking an observational
stance." Is he physically affectionate? Does he remember things that
are important to you? Does he support you when you need it?
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