Dating 101: How to Manage Your First-Date Jitters
Five dating keys to enjoy your first date
By Dating expert Andrea Syrtash, ONDating
Special to Yahoo! Personals
Updated: Oct 8, 2008
You're
about to go on a date with someone you really like.
You've been dreaming about it and dreading it at the same time. You
feel like a dating fraud. That photo shows you at your best -- your
hair never looks that good! You're rarely as cool or charming as you
appeared to be when you booked the date.
Your
date will notice all of this and the whole evening will be
uncomfortable. Now you're thinking about canceling the date -- it's not
worth the potential embarrassment.
STOP!
Dating
self-doubt and nerves can get the best of us on a date with someone we
really like. But there's no reason to let first-date jitters ruin what
could be a lot of fun.
Keep these dating tips in mind so you can manage your nerves and ace your first date:
1.
Be curious. The biggest complaint both
single
men and single women have after a first date is that the
other person talked too much and didn't ask questions or
listen.
People notice when you notice
them. No need to conduct 20 questions, but a few specific questions
about your date's interests is a good place to start. Be sure to share
some things about yourself, too, so it's a conversation and not a job
interview.
By focusing your attention
on your date and worrying less about what you're going to say
next, you're more likely to relax and stay in the moment
By focusing your attention
on your date and worrying less about what you're going to say
next, you're more likely to relax and stay in the moment, which will
lead to a more successful date.
2.
Do an activity together. Suggest going for a walk,
playing pool, or engaging in another public activity on your date.
It'll be easier to communicate when you have something else to focus on
-- and doing something active and fun together will probably lead to
a better date, anyway!
3.
Find
common ground. What brought you together in the
first place? Did you meet through an
online dating site or
pick each other up? Did you meet
through friends? Whatever brought you together is an obvious jumping
point for conversation.
Hint: No need
to e-stalk, but if you want to feel extra prepared or find something in
common before you meet up, type your date's name into a search engine
and see if you can glean something about his or her background (just
make sure not to tell your date, "I read through the 47 posts about
you!").
4. Highlight
your passions. If you don't know what you're
passionate about, think of one of your favorite memories. Were you
running a marathon, hanging out with family, relaxing up at the
cottage?
People light up when they
talk about things that they care deeply about. Show this exciting part
of your personality and you will appear charismatic and confident,
which are two of the most attractive qualities you can possess on a
date.
5. Remember, it's
just a date! When you're feeling first-date jitters,
remember that the person you're going out with was attracted enough to
book the date with you in the first place!
Don't
walk in deciding that this date has to mean XYZ. Don't plan what you're
going to say next when your date is talking, or second guess everything
that comes out of your mouth. Stay present and have fun.
You
may psych yourself up and then realize the other person isn't a match
for you. A date is simply an opportunity to spend time with someone new
and see if there's potential for more. Remember, a first date is all
about the possibility, not pressure.
Watch
dating expert Andrea Syrtash offer ways to control
your dating nerves in the ONDating
"First-Date
Jitters"
episode
More Dating Tips with Andrea Syrtash:Born in Toronto, Canada,
Andrea Syrtash has been living in the United States for almost a decade. Andrea served as special editor for two books, "
How to Survive the Real World" and "
How to Survive Your In-Laws", and has written and lectured extensively on dating and living your best life. She has offered advice on NPR, in USA Today, as a writer for The Huffington Post and on NBC's Today Show. A graduate of The Coaches Training Institute, Andrea has been working with clients as a Life Coach over the past few years. She writes and hosts a dating advice show,
ONDating, produced by NBC Digital Studios for ON Networks.
