Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. answers: I'm glad you've learned not to compare others to him. It's too easy to bestow sainthood on a person who has passed, and no real human can live up to it. You're just coming out of your grief and emotional shock, so take your time. Focus on making friends -- not on finding a "replacement" for the person you lost. He'll never be replaced, but you can try a whole new thing with a different person. In "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again," I recommend having a "beginner's mind," a Zen Buddhist concept that means being willing to start from scratch. Seek to learn, to experience, and regard it as a new adventure. Don't compare it to anything you've done before. You've been through a life-changing experience, and you're a whole new person now, so approach it that way. You'll learn about yourself as well as others, and eventually you'll find happiness.

David Wygant answers: Since you have experienced a wonderful connection with someone and know what that feels like, it will take time to find a new love. You are young and have many great things ahead to look forward to. I suggest that you take the time to get to know each person who you date and do not compare them to your late husband. I believe that each person can experience many types of love. Your ex was only one type of love that you were meant to experience. Open your heart and trust the process. In time you will find you will connect with a new man and you will experience all new things that you never thought possible.

The Insightful Dater answers: You are starting a new phase of your life. What you had in the past was clearly a beautiful gift, and believing in your heart that you have more to share is the first step. Don't set yourself up for failure; definitely heed your counselor's advice not to compare men to your late husband and not to project expectations onto a new man. Every human has unique gifts to share with others. As special as your husband was, he was just one man. The world is full of fathers, brothers, sons who aspire to find someone to love and to share their special gifts with. If you can open your heart to that truth and let go of the past, your future will be so much more enjoyable.

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