Dating Advice: Four Guys You Think You Should Date... but Shouldn't!
Saturday Night Live's hilarious Will Forte brings to life good-on-paper dudes who are really just chumps in disguise. Don't say we didn't warn you.
By Cosmopolitan Photo: Butch Hogan Updated: May 22, 2009
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Chump #1: The Workaholic HotshotThis
guy is always dressed to the nines, because he's
loaded. Simmer down -- the cash flow comes at a price. He toils until
the wee hours, then loosens his tie and parties like there's no
tomorrow. Unfortunately, there is a tomorrow, and it starts in like
three hours. What little time he has for you will be shared with his
BlackBerry. The ugly truth: Money is the love of his life, and you come
in second -- or third, since he's probably crunching more than numbers
with his secretary.
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Chump #2: The Adrenaline JunkieThis
dude skydives, surfs, runs with the bulls -- anything for that rush.
And he has the sick abs and chiseled arms to prove it. But to keep him
happy, you need to be in perpetual motion too. This guy does not like
to sit around, and he doesn't like for you to sit around either. And it
isn't just a phase. In his late 30s, he'll get into marathons, and
they'll lead to triathlons and eventually to the Ironman competition.
Yeah, that means a trip to Hawaii, but instead of chilling on the beach
you'll be cheering him on from the sidelines. Having fun
yet?
Chump #3: The Nice Guy With a Chip on His ShoulderHe'll
ridicule the "tools who are trying too hard" with bold clothing choices
to seem down-to-earth, but here's his dirty little secret: He spends
just as much time picking out his outfit as his more fashion-conscious
counterparts do. Under the casual exterior is a calculating killjoy
with mom issues. He'll stand at the bar thinking, "Why is that girl
going for that dude over there? One day, she'll come to her senses and
get with a nice guy like me!" The truth is, he's so preoccupied with
being overlooked that he'd be totally oblivious to your
attention.
Chump #4: The Smooth OperatorHe's
the type that rolls up to the club in an Escalade and holds court in
the VIP section, ordering bottle service all night. He scores women
with entertaining small talk and name-dropping. Yeah, he's a Casanova
in a skull cap (it replaced his trucker hat about a year ago). But this
guy spells trouble. It takes confidence to pull it off with a straight
face -- too much confidence. (There is such a thing.) He'll shower you
with attention, but beware: You may not be the only chick in that
shower!
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
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