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Ending It Elegantly: The New Breakup Etiquette
Yahoo! Personals' Breakup Survival Guide
By Yahoo! Personals Updated: Apr 1, 2008
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Ending it badly isn't just bad karma, it's an opportunity for your ex (and your family and friends) to badmouth you around town, at the office and all over cyberspace. Do it nicely and your ex may give you a good reference in the future. Do it poorly and even your mom won't be speaking to you.
Six tips to keep in mind:Tip 1: Get it over with at the beginning of the week. Let's face it -- Mondays are already considered the worst day of the week.
Don't ruin someone's weekend with the bad breakup news
Don't ruin someone's weekend with the bad breakup news; do it on a Monday, let him/her grieve through the week and come into the weekend with a fresh start.
Survey* says:Don't ruin someone's weekend with the bad breakup news - Monday is considered the best day of the week to break up with someone (19 percent of respondents selected Monday).
Tip 2: Verbal, not written, communication is the only way to break up. In today's society, we can have virtual relationships all the time. IM, email, text messaging -- who needs to talk? If you're breaking things off, you do. If you can't face doing this in person, the very least you can do is pick up the phone. But don't call him/her at work. Your soon-to-be-ex has to maintain the respect of his/her colleagues, and that's hard to do when you're sobbing your heart out. Call him/her at home.
Britney Spears really didn't follow etiquette.
Britney Spears really didn't follow etiquette. Not only did she send a text message instead of calling Kevin, but she did it while he was working, and the whole world got to watch. She's got some serious investment to make in the karmic circle to make up for that one.
Survey* says:Britney Spears really didn't follow etiquette. - Nearly half of respondents selected "sending a text or instant message" or "through email" as the worst methods for breaking up (28 percent and 18 percent respectively). Nearly a quarter felt that "having a friend or family member tell them" would be the worst way to break up with someone.
- Most respondents felt that a person always deserves to be told in person, even after just one date.
Tip 3: Face it, you're the bad guy. Be prepared for his/her reactions. Keep it short. Say what you need to say and get out of there. Quickly. Location is key for this. No restaurants. Don't do it in bed! A park bench is good. Nowhere too public, though, as tears will be involved.
Survey* says:- 37 percent of respondents selected "a public place" as the worst location to break up, while 25 percent said they'd hate to hear the news at work.
Tip 4: Give him/her closure. Don't go all soft when you get to the bitter end. It's over. You don't love him/her. You never will. You're sorry. Goodbye. If you start saying anything that implies there is hope, he/she will only hear that, and you'll be having this conversation again in a week's time. "Cruel to be kind." That's your motto right now.
Tip 5: Don't behave badly in the hopes he/she will break up with you. Don't think you're being kind by coming home late, acting depressed or flirting with other people. Your soon-to-be ex may just make excuses for you, and you'll look even worse in the end. If you want out, you need to be the one who says so. Instead of behaving badly, take some time or do something productive, such as exercising. Focus on yourself.
Survey* says:- Most respondents (84 percent) said they have not stayed in a relationship longer than intended just to have a partner during the holidays or special occasion.
- "Avoiding the other person" and "exercise" were the top selections for what respondents would do just before breaking up with someone (43 percent and 42 percent, respectively).
Tip 6: Be prepared for Dumper's Remorse. Greg Behrendt, author of "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken," came up with this great term. Face it. You've made a major decision. And now you're single and you're wondering if you made a mistake. Be prepared for this and DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT call. If you call your ex, you will go back to square one and you will have to be the bad guy all over again when you realize that you did, in fact, make the right decision. If you're still feeling this way after a month or two, talk it over with your friends and then decide what to do.
More on Breakups and Recovery- The Breakup Test: 5 Questions to Ask Before Giving 'Em the Boot
- Dropping Pounds Along With an Ex
- Heartbreaker 101: How to Heal and Move On After Breaking Someone's Heart
- 5 Don'ts Of Dumping: How to Improve Your Breakup Karma
- Surviving the Breakup Season: How to Mend Your Broken Heart
- How to Take Your Breakup From Boo-Hoo to Woo-Hoo
- Relationship Roadkill: 5 Ways to Get Over a Breakup, Fast!
- 5 Breakup Signs
- 10 Signs That He's Not the One for You
- 10 Ways to Heal Spiritually from a Breakup
- Spiritual Rules for How to Break Up
* Results gathered from a telephone survey of approximately 4,000 adults conducted on June 28 and July 6, 2007, for Yahoo! Personals by Opinion Research Corporation. Respondents, approximately half of which were females, were asked a dozen questions about their attitudes and experiences related to dating and relationships.
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