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Odd Love Match: When She's Hot But He's Not

Our dating analyst ponders the inexplicable attraction of opposites

By Julia Allison Updated: Jul 4, 2008
Julia Allison
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Every time I watched "King of Queens," I was confused. The husband, an overweight UPS delivery guy, is married to a certifiably hot brunette with a tight body, whom he regularly asks to strip (is this normal married couple behavior? I would ask my parents, but that's disgusting).
At first, I dismissed it, like the beer commercials featuring balding, pot-bellied men cavorting with Tara Reid look-alikes. They're just Disproportionately Attractive TV Couples -- they could never exist in the real world.
Or could they?
“I look around New York, and everywhere I see gorgeous women with only moderately attractive -- or even downright unattractive -- men”
I look around New York, and everywhere I see gorgeous women with only moderately attractive -- or even downright unattractive -- men. Even celebrity culture has these couples: Kate Hudson and (now ex) Chris Robinson, Billy Joel and any of his wives, the Barkers on MTV (although he seems sweet), Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Tesse.
The only couple in which the guy is arguably more attractive than the woman was Jennifer and Brad or maybe Tom and Katie (that's debatable) and ... well, I think we can see that's not a pattern to emulate.
Couples Who Don't Make Sense
No, if anything, the real world is filled with Couples Who Don't Make Sense. Of course, polite people don't actually say anything about it, because that's rude. Physical appearance can be a sensitive subject on a good day ... But we're thinking it. And no, it's not shallow -- it's biology!
“We know that the majority of people don't date their significant other (just) because of what they look like.”
We know that the majority of people don't date their significant other (just) because of what they look like. Realistically, however, that's the first thing we notice about a couple ... and those who stand out we wonder at. Henry Kissinger and his wife. Shannon Elizabeth and her (now ex) husband (check out photos if you don't believe me). Bill O'Reilly and anyone.
But maybe it's a progressive sign when couples don't "match"? They could be looking beyond superficial appearances! Well, they might be, except in 99.9 percent of these couples the woman looks better. How progressive can that possibly be? For every Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, there are a hundred Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martins!
A Prosperous Career
Do women even care about having man arm-candy? Most would say it's a plus, for sure. But there's a lot of competition, and not enough metrosexuals to go around. We prefer to look for a great personality, charm, a certain worldliness and let's not forget (we're in New York, after all), a prosperous career.
So maybe we women are just shallow in a different way ...
“Still, it seems like men -- attractive or not -- have it easy in the dating department.”
Still, it seems like men -- attractive or not -- have it easy in the dating department. Or maybe not, says an ex-boyfriend of mine. "The downside of [disproportionately attractive girlfriends] is that you're constantly trying to convince her to stay with you while battling with your inadequacy in the looks department -- over which you have no control. No matter how great the relationship is, in the back of your mind you're always wondering."
That's the funny thing about relationships -- in the back of our minds, we're always wondering about something, no matter what. Maybe even the guy on "King of Queens."
Well, maybe not him. But everyone else.
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A Yahoo! Contributor
The first thought is money. But that is what the cleverly-worded story may be prompting you to latch onto. Let&#39;s make the most important assumption right up front. Out of all women falling into the age brackets upon which the article is written, we might find the following percentages: 10% Socialites/Models/Naturally Beautiful (SMNB). 30% Good Looking (GL)to Very Good Looking (VGL). 40% Moderate(M) to Fairly Good Looking(FGL). 20% Average or less in appearance and have no interest in any attempts otherwise. Women in the Good Looking portion of (GL to VGL) can be VGL. An average looking guy will easily fall for this woman. She, by her own tastes, may enjoy and prefer this man to his polar opposites in the &quot;scenes&quot; around town. Having found her man, this happy GL has just boosted the percentages to 40% (10+ 30) of the people that you see on the streets. Follow this same percentage for (M to FGL). While the specific number of women in this category are far lower than (GL to VGL), many of these women can be attractive as well. Let&#39;s give this category 10% out of it&#39;s potential of 40% The missing 20% will never be seen anyway. Our final tally might be: 10% (SMNB). 30% (GL to VGL). 10% (M to FGL). Couldn&#39;t we make the assumption that 10% of the women you see and who&#39;s attention you are drawn-to fall into these categories? And, shouldn&#39;t we assume that I am not a Professor in the Mathematics or English departments but an optimist. Women are very often captivating. VTY, A FGL Man. etc. If These women shun bars and other pick-up spots. The same a
No Photo
Beauty is in the eyes beholder, and it is only skin deep.
No Photo
There is a lot more to a person than what&#39;s on the outside . . . the press or outside package may appear to be great, but when you get by that (unwrap the package) there maynot be any real substance there; for those no longer playing games, looks are fine - but, looks will always fade, and what a person is from the inside/out will always be there; I believe most women mature and know these things long before most men do (looks are fleeting, substance is forever) . . . .
A Yahoo! Contributor
my sister weighs about 115 pounds and she has been dating this guy now for about 6 years and he weighs around 290-310 pounds. i don&#39;t know what she sees in him and also he is a jerk .
A Yahoo! Contributor
the answer in very simple, woman choose man because how him made her feel, as simply as that. I f you make feel good a woman, she wil stay with you regarldless your looks, money wharever. In the other hand, men stays with women if he believes her is atractive, regardless of any other issues.
Dave
hmm:never mind the make up she wears, eye shadow, lip stick,padded bra. never mind the mentallity, never mind havung her hair done 20 different ways. Lets see never mind the jewellery the change in clothing etc, etc. But she is hot.Did you ever see her without it, oh, there goes the breakfast.And yet they are all looking for honesty hmmm.
A Yahoo! Contributor
At least y&#39;all have good looking women. I live in Boston now after growing up in Texas and Georgia, and all I keep hearing from friends that I need to lower my standards. These are friends from here, Texas Exes, and ex-Georgians. However in Texas and the south, it is exactly how you described it. However the reason is that there are way more attractive women than men down there so the odds are always in a man&#39;s favor no matter how he looks.
No Photo
OK, I have read pretty mush all of the different comments left behind by some people and I just want to add this, A female can do many, many different things to her self to make it look as if she was younger. On the other hand, a guy or male can not do those things to make himself look younger and more presentable to the female side of the story. If we as guys, do anything like the females can do. We would be laughed at and made to look like we are silly or there is something wrong with us. Does this help the problem out at all? I feel that it does not and we may never be able to get over this looks thing. As for now, lets get over it and just enjoy being us and have a great time doing it.
No Photo
Look are not every thing money are not every thing ither if some one can accept you for who you are inside and what you are out side and it&#39;s not about what I read. some thing I did relize to try harder to find a job even though my bills are paid from disablity funding&#39;s a part time job and a car does realy help I have to admit that is true but I have a friend that is a huge help and I meet her from here.. She&#39;s like a sister to me we talk alot of about things and she&#39;s always there for me I&#39;ll always be there
No Photo
This is how I feel about what was writtin. looks money having a job does help but it&#39;s not always about that having a faithful true honest relationship 50/50 in a relationship sharing good times watching a dvd or going out playing pool bowling going shoping when we have money or just looking around at the mall sharing things and get what we get for holidays but most important thing I&#39;m happy for what I have I also have a great famliy and some nice friends... So be happy for what you have life&#39;s simple make choices dont look back lifes to short dont give up finding your true love.... Never give up
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