I just starting date this guy, we only dated two weeks. Everything was going great, until the end of the second week. I'm new at dating game, been divorced for one year. This guy was so into me, and i was into him. Then he stopped calling, and didn't anwer my calls. After two days of not talking, I send him a email asking what was wrong. He emailed me back and told me that two years ago he lost the love of life to cancer. And that he is not ready to date someone yet. I don't know what to do, i really like this guy. We had a connection, I like to think he feels the same way. But he won't talk to me, I don't want to get up. What should I do?

five years ago I my entire world came crashing down on me when my husband of ten years passed away suddenly. it's been a long and hard battle enternally for me but after relearning to live life again without him and pushing myself to look at the world around me I have once again found love with a wonderful man. by not comparing the two men and accepting the new man as an unique person--i've opened my eyes to a new world around me and now see the many opportunities it has to offer rather than dwell on the past and not move forward in life. This is probably the most sound advise I have heard for a grieving spouse. The key is to let time heal your wounds and not rush into anything before you're ready. And if you are someone who is dating someone who has suffered this type of tragedy--be paitient with them. They will come around once they are ready to--pushing them into feelings they are not prepered to express is only going to push that peson away from you rather than closer to you.

It depends on how the date came about: if it's a regularly scheduled thing where they always go to the same place and do the same things it's nicer if the go dutch or alternate who pays but if one of them calls the other and says "Let's go to such-and-such tonight" that's completely different. One of the rational things that came out of the feminist revolution was the idea that the person who issued the invitation picked up the tab.

As someone involved in a serious relationship with a widow, I understand what you are saying from the opposite perspective. My boyfriend and I have been together over a year and discussing marriage. We are both in our late 20's and had to start fresh. I have been divorced over two years following adultery by my husband and my boyfriend's wife was killed in a car wreck three years ago. Despite the pain I felt following my divorce, it no where nears comparison to the suffering my boyfriend had to endure -- and still does. He has moved on with his life, but there are times when things get rocky -- the anniversary of her death, their wedding date, etc. Sometimes his memories just get the best of him which happens to all of us at times -- and it will happen again. With us, it helped that although our circumstances were very different, we both understood that those past experiences made us who we are today and the people that we each fell in love with. Neither one expects the other to forget the past and respects that at times, we simply need a little space when emotions and memories get the better of us. When we first started dating, it was very new for me, and I would be lying if I said that sometimes little insecurities made me wonder if he would prefer that she were here instead of me or always feeling like I am being compared to her by him and his family, but over time I have learned to embrace his past as my own as he does mine. It is what led us to each other. When he wants to talk about it then we do, but if he doesn't then I never push it. That support, patience, and friendship between us is what led to love. My advice -- find a friend who will support you, not push you and love will follow.

But how do you let your boyfriend know you still have moments thinking of your ex without hurting his feelings or making him insecure? How do you let him know you really need time, when you yourself just wants the whole experience of being in that love back right now? And how do you cope with taking it slow; how do you stay sure?

I totally understand what you are going through, as I lost my fiancee 2 years ago in a fire. I started dating about a year ago. It is just human nature to make comparisons. I have been very fortunate and found a wonderful man. He listens to me and is not in the least offended or threatened by my feelings for my fiancee, he encourages me to talk about it if I want to. He is wonderful. Don't get discouraged. Take it slow. There are plenty of good, caring, understanding men out there. After all, any man worth his salt should consider himself to be very lucky to be with someone who has that great of capacity to love.

Tina, Consider yourself lucky to experience true love. Many people never get a taste for it..... Asana

This article brought tears to my eyes because I lost my husband 3 years ago. We were only married 3 months when he was diagnosed with Phase 4 Lung Cancer with mets to the brain and bone. He died the day before our 1 year anniversary. Its been a rough 3 years because also my mom just passed away in Dec 06 with cancer as well. I am here to witness that God is amazing and brings us through it all. I have been dating, but I tend to be too trusting and get taken advantage of. I understand about that deep love now and I want to experience again without the deep heartache. I appreciate your help topics. Sincerely. S from Mobile

i lost my husband four years ago and am just staring to notice men again. the only thing is i seem to be attracted only to those who look like him . does this mean i haven't moved on yet or that's just my taste in men?

I am dating a woman who lost her husband 2 years ago to cancer. Things were wonderful until we started talking about marriage. Then she started getting cold and distant. He in her words verbally and sometime sexually abused her and they had seperated and were talking divorce but when he got sick she stayed, he died in there house within a year. Even though there marrige was not a good one she only remembers the good (as we all do with lost loved ones) The problem is she feels guilty loving again and also afraid she would lose me. Also I can never measure up to her memory of her late husband, once you put them on that pedistal it is hard to find someone without comparing them and the new guy will always come up short. You see our warts everyday and theirs have faded away. I love her deeply and am very patient she has cried on my shoulder many times over him. I tell her it's ok it just takes time. She told me she loves me more then she thought she could ever love anyone, But for the past couple months she keeps pulling away (of course now it is their wedding anniversary and coming up on the day he passed away) I know she is crying at work and at night. We used to spend every free moment together, now I see her once a week but we still talk on the phone 2 or 3 times aday. I love her deeply and want to help her through this. Even if I lose her I still want her to be happy in her life and not forever live in the past. Women keep the memories of your late loved ones but dont compare us and make us compete for your love. there is always enough love more more then one person. If you love that new guy, go with it, You may find he is better then you could have ever imagined if you give him a chance.